That's elite company. By the way, the only reason I hate Inge more than Barajas is because we had no better option than Barajas, we have for Inge since day one. Anyways, even though we all hate Inge, especially myself, I felt it was appropriate to give him a nice farewell now that the Inge Era is over in Pittsburgh because there are some things I am going to miss about him.
The first thing I'll miss about good ole Brandon Inge is his clubhouse leadership. I mean who else could put on rollerblades and do this in the clubhouse? He really lightened the mood.
And who else could entertain such a tough group of ball players like Inge? Just look at these hi-jinks! He's hilarious!
The second thing I will miss about Brandon Inge is his ability to make teammates look so good. Who would go through such awful plate appearances to make his teammates look like superstars at the plate? Brandon Inge, that's who.
The third thing I'm really going to miss about Inge is his mastering of the famous Zoltan Z. Look at that form, he is the master. This should be the way all new players are taught!
The fourth thing I'll miss about Brandon is his emotion. No one loved being a Pirate than Brandon. Look at the enthusiasm on his face! You can't disagree!
The fifth and final thing I'll miss about Brandon Inge is his image. Now, I've been joking for most of this article but I'm serious on this one. Inge's image with the Pirates was that of an awful player just wasting space on the roster. This is one thing I actually thank Brandon for enduring because he did take a lot of attention away from the seriousness of having a winning baseball team in this town. For that reason alone, he should be given a ring next year during the Pirates World Series ring ceremony.
Brandon Inge was really a god awful player in Pittsburgh but he will still be missed. Who else on the team are we going to heckle now that the man with the .181 average and .442 OPS is gone? I guess The Fort isn't close behind. He's the only one mad about Inge being gone because now his awful year will be under the spotlight. Back to the point, Inge made us angry and was possibly the worst player to ever appear in a Pirates uniform but he will be missed and you can't deny that. He made you laugh at least once and wasn't a complete waste of space in the clubhouse. He even told management to release him if they needed to. That takes balls and I respect him for realizing that but still he was awful. And even though he looks like he has downs syndrome, he still deserves this farewell. I will end this article with a poem I wrote just for this occasion.
Goodbye Brandon Inge,
Your at-bats made me cringe,
Your defense is crap,
I can't wait to say "See ya ole chap!"
You couldn't produce on a tee-ball team,
Just hearing your name makes me want to scream,
Still, even though you are terrible in a baseball game,
You didn't put the locker room to shame,
Thank you for giving us a reason to complain,
I hope you find a cheap ticket to your plane,
Brandon, I hope you're not too pissed,
Because you will still be missed.
Thank You
Farewell Brandon Inge
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